HP HP

A long time ago, I found myself really struggling with a relationship. I really did have to deal with this person, but this person caused me so much pain. Even when this person was not around me, the situation was ruining my time. I wasn't sleeping well, I would be nervous well in advance of a planned encounter. It was whittling away at my life.
I had an older, wiser friend who told me that "forgiveness" thing that people were always advising me to do was not necessarily what I thought it was.
Needless to say, I was sick and tired of hearing about forgiveness. I'd been told about people who had forgiven murderers, rapists, and I just could not wrap my mind around the concept at all.
"But this person hurt me intentionally!" I wanted to scream. I was just sick of the lectures. Then he asked me if I have ever known anyone who was well loved and happy being cruel and unkind.
I thought about it. Not really, I guess.
Then he said the words I will never forget. "Hurting people hurt people." I just stopped and thought about it and he continued. "What do you know about his childhood?"
OK, his childhood was pretty awful. His parents did horrible things, from beatings to shaming. Just horrible. I was starting to see where this was going and it irritated me. I did not want to have compassion for someone who had harmed so many...
Then it happened. I guess the word I needed was not forgiveness, but compassion. I try to remember that now. I really do have to work at it most of the time. When I see a story on the news, or when the story on the news affects a dear friend of mine. I guess I thought forgiveness meant that it didn't matter or that it was okay.... Compassion I could understand. I could understand that someone was hurting and didn't realize the pain they inflicted on others and still be perfectly okay with the consequences of the behavior. I can understand that someone who murdered another human being could not have understood the gift of life, and still be perfectly okay with them going to jail.
I now think forgiveness is the same thing for us humans. I am not required to provide forgiveness and absolution. Anger, fear, hate, vengeful thoughts are like a disease. For my own happiness and peace of mind, I need to not be a carrier of pain, fear and hate. So when I feel those thoughts creeping in about the news, it's time to remind myself.. Hurting People Hurt People.