My motto

Years ago, a friend of mine said a phrase that just "spoke" to me.. She said, "Y'know, sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties and deal with it."
OK, so it could probably be put into better words, but I loved it! That is life. Sometimes you have to stop refusing to grow, sometimes life gives you a choice...sulk and throw a fit, or find your way.
I have said this to myself many times to get through the difficult situations. OK, so the toilet exploded, since I am the one here, I am the one who has to deal with it. Great, the shut off valve is too stiff for me to turn... OK.. Deal with it.. I looked around and found a metal coat hanger, a detestable thing that it is, and bent it to the appropriate shape to make the water stop until I could get help or a larger tool to turn the valve.
I could have thrown a fit, cried...etc, but it just would have allowed more water, even worse, TOILET WATER to fill my home. So, as horrified as I was, I "dealt with it".
As you can guess, I don't just say this to myself. Unfortunately, I have said this to others. I am no better than anyone else, but for some unknown reason I feel like sharing this tidbit occasionally.
I do not get my feelings hurt easily. I have not had the coddled life where the whole world danced around my preciousness. This is not to be mistaken for not having feelings. I do. I just do not lay them out in the street to give others a map to trample me.
Recently, I found that I have a weakness that I did not know about. (Believe me, I have usually found that my weaknesses find their way into neon lights.) I have a lot of wonderful friends from all walks of life. I'm very fortunate that my friends accept me and my direct manner. Recently, I have noticed that my friends all have something in common. They are all very strong, very resilient women. These are women who feel very deeply and who are very committed to a variety of causes. These are women who are living the phrase, "be the change you want to see." Yes, I am very fortunate indeed.
Sometimes very strong, resilient people do not have as much empathy for those who appear to be fragile. Ok, so sometimes I just do not have the understanding, or compassion that I should. It's not that I feel everyone develops character from pain and tragedy. I just apparently do not have the same appreciation for their frailties. I find myself holding on to my trials and resolutions as if they are my trophy. I have indeed put on my big girl panties.
I know that deep down, in the back of my mind. I secretly envy the frail. Much like the moms of the fifties. It's a trade. Yes, I have to "deal with it". In trade, I have more independence and confidence. There are days where I wish for the land where the grass is greener. I want to be the demure wife who can count on her husband to make all things right. I envy those who I see as "taken care of". I grumble under my breathe a little as I am using the drill to repair things. I mutter quite a bit when I am on my hands and knees trying to repair a toilet by myself. Yes, I grumble, yes, I would like to be freed from tasks like drywall and grout.
However, I would not trade my "big girl panties." Like a toddler learning to transition, in trade for my old ways, I am getting a gift of freedom, independence and confidence.
I have had practice. I have had a LOT of practice. I do not tremble in terror at an exploding toilet. I am not powerless when it is time to fix the broken. I have made my trade.
I am now learning a new skill.. I am learning to be a little less independent. Yes, the toilet was just last week. Baby steps. I am learning that it is okay to allow others to help, and to even ask for help. At first it felt like humiliation. It was not. Now it feels like a tool. Similar to a hammer. I sometimes do not have all that I need to be independent. It is okay to reach into the toolbox and use my phone to call for help.
I made a phone call about a month ago for help, and next week, I will find out if I can get the help I now need to get through some of my more challenging cognitive issues. I will not give up. I will probably take my last breathe attempting to learn one more thing. It is my nature to ask questions and learn as much as I can. Now, I simply need a little help doing that, so I'm going to "put on my big girl panties and ask for help dealing with it."