He Called My Name

    When we came home from the hospital after the first heart attack, I just could not sleep at all. I kept waking up. I wasn't really checking on him every time. I just couldn't sleep.

     One day, about a week later, I realized what my problem was. He was no longer snoring.

     My husband, who has snored incredibly loudly since the day I married him, was sleeping quietly.

      We still have no idea why, but this has continued. He sleeps quietly now. The doctors just make the "shrug" face when I tell them. 

      The very first time we stayed in a hotel together, the couple in the next suite complained to hotel staff because he snored so loudly. I assure you, this is a big deal.

      Some people get used to a fan noise, some get ambient music or rainforest sounds... I apparently got used to the sound of broken buzz saws...Once I realized that, I was able to sleep a little better.

     

       This morning, just before I woke up, I swear that as clearly as ever, I heard him calling my name.

       I became aware that I was not all the way awake, but could not make myself move.

       I know. I don't believe in hocus pocus psychic, beyond the grave stuff, but I do believe that we notice things when we are sleeping...

      I was afraid. I was afraid that my brain had recognized that he was cold, or not breathing. I was afraid.

     I finally forced myself to turn towards him.

     I opened my eyes.

    He was turned away from me. I couldn't tell if he was breathing... I couldn't see the color of his skin...

     I was afraid.

     Then I saw his chest move.....

     I then realized I had not been breathing. I had been holding my breath in the silence...waiting for some sign.

     I had been afraid.

     I believe that our brains are like any other muscle and they have to stretch and work out sometimes. Sometimes that happens when we are asleep and we call them dreams. I know that our senses are still monitoring for sounds and changes even while we are sleeping... If they were not, we would not toss the blankets off when we get hot, and we would not wake up when we "hear a noise"....

      I think my brain was a bit overloaded yesterday.

      Yesterday we got another piece of information. It wasn't really new information, but nobody had said it directly to us. Nobody had said it out loud.

      I think yesterday it was just a bit too much.

      I think my brain just needed to shake it off.  Maybe that is why I heard him call my name in such a calm way...

      I don't know, but it scared me.

      This is not like the movies. The music doesn't build right before something happens... The drums don't change rhythm. Things just happen.

      At least it was just a dream....and just a fear...and I was able to get through the day with him here....

    

     

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