I am working on so many changes. There are simply things that will change. There is no way around it. I just have to learn, adapt and grow.
The clock is ticking. There are more changes coming, whether we like them or not. I feel like time is passing much too quickly now. I have a goal date. I have a date to be ready for. I have plans to make.
I am currently packing more and more boxes. I really don't know why at this point. I cannot possibly buy the other house with no money and very little income. I just have to believe that God has a plan and that I have to be ready for it. I don't know if that includes me staying in this house, but it really does not look like that is going to work either...so I pack.
I am also working on creating extra income without requiring me to be unavailable to those who need me right now. This one is proving to be more of a challenge. I am skeptical and do not believe in "get rich quick" schemes, but I do believe that with tenacity, I will find some way to provide for my family without leaving them unattended.
I am also working on Christmas presents for my children. I have a couple of projects started, but I can only work on them after they go to bed. They are older now, so I must also remove all evidence that I was "up to something".
I am hoping to be able to learn a few new skills. I have been up late at night the last few nights learning new skills online. I am very aware of my deficits right now. I am acutely aware of the brain damage as I take notes and repeat the same exersize over and over, trying to make sure I really understand it. I am also very aware of how grateful I am for recovering so well from the injury. I had gotten discouraged for a time, thinking that I had seen all of the improvement that I was going to see. I am aware that I have still been making improvements.
Now, I just have to keep moving.
I am still taking just a step at a time. I am still forcing my family to go on little family outings whenever possible. (Last night we went for a drive to an area where the hills and the trees made a magnificent fall scene.) I am still making sure all of the medications and paperwork for everything else are being done properly.
I am thankful that I am busy. It keeps me from utter collapse under the weght of everything. However, at this point, my life is resembling a video game with a giant, enormous, oversized bowling ball over my head... Keep moving or it will drop and squash me.
This weekend I am also going to try out a few new recipes. I am cleaning my tall freezer this morning and hopefully will be able to stock it in a more orderly fashion with new prepared meals for this week. I also am going to do some of the Thanksgiving goodies in advance to save time next week.
Yes, next week, my mother will be here. Next week there will be no spare time for my odd little habits and goals. Next week I will be entertaining.
Ahhhhh...
I am most thankful that I am busy, but not too busy to remember to pull our family together. I am thankful that I don't have time to sit and wallow in the fear.
I am praying that my husband still be with us for Thanksgiving.
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