Potatoes and Trash Cans

   I am the sum of my experiences.

   Well, that is not entirely correct. Although my life may seem terminally unique, I am aware of several people who have had very similar experiences. Each of us reacts to our experiences differently.

    So, I am the sum of my inherited traits and my experiences.

    Why on earth does this matter today?

     I am constantly reminded by life how much I am like my father. I have reacted a bit differently to my experiences, but in some ways, I begin the process the same way my father does. I have the same initial reaction, it is simply my actions that are a bit different.

      Today, my grandfather informed me that I am a lot more like him than I think.

       He is wrong.

       I think about this often. This is where my dad and I are different. My actions are much more like my grandfather.

       My grandfather and my father are NOTHING alike. When I say nothing, I mean short of being tall and human males who are married, I can think of nothing.

        So how on earth can I be so much like both of them?

       It is what it is.

        Now, to complicate things even further, I am who I am.

       I am not having an identity crisis. Quite the contrary. I am saying I know who I am. I know what I want. I know what I like.

      There was a time I could not say that. When I was twenty, I realized that I had no idea who I was. I was young and I was lost. I could relate with nobody around me. I was so different. I was from such a different background. I did not fit into anyone's stereotypical mold.

      That frightened me. I was looking for a direction to go, but it seemed the choices were endless. It seemed that if I knew some people like me, that I could simply follow their path.

       Hmmm... I would imagine a lot of people go through this in one manner or another. Some wait until midlife to do it with pizazz though.

      Either way, I have obviously made peace with that girl.

      It was a process. It began with asking myself one day if I really wanted butter on my popcorn at the theater.

      I know that sounds stupid, but every time I went to the movies, I shared popcorn with my date, which inevitably meant that my popcorn was buttered.

      I don't like butter on my potato or my pancakes, and I didn't really care for popcorn, but what if regular, plain popcorn tasted good?

      So, one night, I got my own, non-buttered popcorn.

      And so it began. I was living the on/off switch test of life. I questioned everything.

      Do I really like these colors? Do I like going to the movies? Am I happy?

      Basically, it really could have been simpler. I could have just said, "I don't have to be like anyone else."

       Perhaps it was so challenging for me because there were so few differences at my school.  We were all within a very narrow margin of similar incomes. There were no great extremes of background. Everyone had a parent/guardian in the military or in some sort of government service. That was the only way to attend that school.

      We were not so different.

      So here I am. I don't really care for popcorn at all thank you.       I tell myself often that none of us are really that different. We are all people trying to live on this planet and do the best we can for our families. I believe that there is a psychological movement happening... that movement where nobody is really correctly verbalizing, but we are all thinking the same things, "I should do better."

       I believe that most of us truly do want to do better. I believe that most of us do the occasionally head smack, WHY?

       I am not a child. I am somewhere on my way to old ladyhood. Yet, last week I really gave myself a good head smack.

       I have peeled potatoes my entire life bent over a trash can so that I do not make a mess with the peel. That seemed intelligent, except that afterwards, the small of my back always ached a bit. (Maybe because that position and my spina bifida do not get along well.)

       Now, at the ripe old age of "shoulda' known better", I put the trash can on top of a bucket. Now I do not have to bend. I peeled 20 lbs of potatoes last week and did not get a back ache. VIOLA!

       I am thankful that I am always learning. I may not be twenty years old now, but I am still finding ways to make life better for me and for my family. I am thankful that I am not afraid to try to do something differently.