Perhaps We Should Play

    I like to eat my veggies first. I like to get chores done before I go on an outing. I like to tackle the hardest problems first at work. I enjoy myself more when I know the right things are done.
     However, I must say that I am the worst at taking time off to play. That list of tasks to do is never ending. There is always going to be a few things left on that TO-DO list. Always. I forget to schedule time to play.
    This last few weeks has been very stressful. I cannot recall feeling this much stress since September of 2011 when I was not only working for an airline and every day was questionable, but I was also pregnant. It was a high risk pregnancy so I was having a very difficult time managing my work stress when I was having pre term labor... (Yes, another story for another day.)
     These last few weeks, I have felt that turmoil building inside of me. I would lay in bed just shaking with anxiety and stress.
     I knew I could not continue "as normal" for much longer. I knew I was a mere human with a breaking point. I knew I needed some relief.
       I must say, that I initially went to visit a few friends at the airline and that was a fantastic reminder of how good my life is. I was welcomed and hugged. It was glorious to be so well received. It was good to chat, catch up on new systems and policies and joke around like old times.
     More importantly, I was reminded that I left on such good terms. I left with respect, dignity and love. I know that not everyone gets to feel so at peace when leaving a position.
     I also went to see friends another night. Oh my! There are so many things we filter when we are around our children! Perhaps some of you are more saintly and do not have non PG thoughts, but I apparently had a LOT to say!  It was so relieving to say things and be not to feel so terribly guilty or worry that I had altered my child's psyche forever.
     Ooooh, and the things we talked about! From the completely mundane of coupons, savings and laundry detergent, right up to the nitty gritty of how un-romantic marriage can be. Remember when you thought that it would always be hearts and flowers? Remember?
     Speaking of, today is my anniversary. My idea of romance now is very different than my ideas were in my 20's.  Forget flowers honey. I want the _______ done.  No, this is not a non-PG blank.  It is a fill in the blank chore.  Lawn mowed, shingle fixed, disposal repaired, oven cleaned... You name it.  Those are the things that get my heart to go pitter patter now.
    We laughed. Times do change.
     I don't know about "most couples", but I do know that in our marriage, there have been times that we weren't so sure we could stay married. I know there have also been times where we have looked back and wondered how we made it through THAT. 
     Maybe you know.
     I will not lie. I will not tell you that we have always loved each other through things. Forget it. Sometimes it has been like white knuckling the steering wheel in an ice storm. If you live with another human being for long enough, something will get on your last nerve. If you are not careful, a lot of things will.
     I looked through some old pictures today. My how time flies. It seems that just yesterday I was 17. It seems that just yesterday I was wearing cocktail dresses and heels regularly on the weekends.  I look at pictures of my husband from when we were younger and I barely recognize him.
     We have changed. We are older now. Somewhere along the way, we picked up a few pounds, gray hair, wrinkles and a couple of heart conditions.
    It happens.  I still smile when he tells me I look beautiful.  He still smiles when I bring him a jar to open. 
    Soon he and I will go out on a date.  Soon, we will attempt to have a conversation without mentioning the children. We will fail miserably. Those children are 90% of what we have in common. Most of the things that we enjoyed together when we were younger have changed... 
    I would like to think that we have gotten the "hard part" of marriage out of the way. I know that probably isn't true. It is a little like that TO DO list. There is always something irritating one of us. There is always something that needs improvement. Since there is a never ending list, perhaps we should play.