Music

    I haven't really done any research yet, but I have noticed that music speaks to people very differently. I briefly looked into a career in music therapy when I was much younger because it really did seem that music could be a way to reach the brain in ways that other therapies simply could not.

    Perhaps this is why I noticed which music my children responded to most as infants.

    Why my youngest was an infant, I noticed quickly that soothing lullabies were not really soothing for her. In fact, they really seemed to agitate her. We tried other types of music. Pop, rock... we found that Tchaikovsky seemed to really calm her down.  It was more than noticeable how much she relaxed when listening to  Swan Lake, Nutcracker or even the 1812 Overture.  These are not typically soothing pieces. 

    I have also found a few other composers and even a few Pop tunes that seem to completely speak to this very busy little girl.

    I watch her with envy as she is learning to play Toccata and Fugue in D minor on the piano. Not only is this a very fast and furious piece to learn, but she is playing it even faster. She seems to be in sync with this type of music.  She seems to find comfort and piece in the sheer speed of the pace.

     I am the opposite. I race around, but when I want to be soothed, there is nothing quite like Air on the G String. I can still see the cigar smoke from the ad in England. It calms me. I feel my heart rate slowing and I feel more at peace.

    I try to be even more sensitive to these things now. Certain styles of music can be almost painful for me now.  As I write this, she is listening to Tchaikovsky and I had to leave the room. There is simply too much going on. There are too many patterns woven by this music. It is extremely uncomfortable for me.

    I didn't used to feel this way. I used to enjoy almost all forms of music. I loved following the patterns and paths of the music. Now these interwoven patterns seem to cause my brain to short circuit. At times it is painful.  If I am doing other things, I cannot deal with music. I cannot listen to music in the car while I am driving.

   In the meantime. I watch my child, my child who is so frustrated by so many things in life. She is so extraordinarily intelligent, but quickly melts down when things are not exact, or unplanned, or just not right for her. Sounds, images and other stimuli can be so overwhelming to her but certain types of intricate and complicated music bring her peace.

    I watch her as she is filled with relaxation and joy. I love to see her at peace.

    There are so many people in this world. So many different types of brains and motivations. I am grateful that there are so many different types of music to enjoy.

     Now, having said this. I am going to take a deep breath and walk into my other daughter's room. She is currently motivated by speed metal style music. It takes every ounce of concentration just to ask her to turn it off for a moment so that I can speak to her.

    I love her. I am overjoyed that she is trying to have new and independent experiences.

    This is what I tell myself before I open her door.

     For now. It speaks to her. I have read the lyrics and am okay with the content she has chosen. It is not exactly Pollyanna, but it is not something I can object to. She really is paying attention. She knows where the line of reason is. I just hope I survive this stage before the next one arrives.

    Perhaps in a year, I will be able to hear music as I did before the brain injury. Perhaps not. Either way, it is ridiculous to expect my children to be deprived of something I always enjoyed because of my issues.

     I find this applies to more than just music. I do not have the right to object simply because it is not my "style" or my "taste". I do teach and object when it is simply wrong.

     Parenting is a bit like music. There are a lot of styles. There are a lot of interwoven patterns. We all have to find our way, pay attention to what inspires our children to make the best choices, and give them the power and freedom to make their choices.

    Brain injury or not, this is the most difficult thing about parenting. Teaching them and then letting them learn more on their own.