Thanks Mike

    The brain is an absolutely fascinating thing. I am continually amazed.

     Last weekend I met another amazing person. My uncle arrived at our family gathering with two guests. This is not unusual. Our family 4th of July celebrations are open to all. Everyone is treated like family.

    One of the guests was a guy named "Mike". (I have changed his name as I did not ask his permission to blog about him.)

     "Mike" was walking down the slope towards me and even though I had not yet met him, I wondered if he were perhaps, developmentally disabled. He did not walk with any limp, or spasticity, but there seemed to be something childlike in his gait.

     I thought to myself, well, it is July 4th, even though there is not usually alcohol served at our event, perhaps he had a couple of beers before coming.  Then, no... it doesn't seem like that either.

    "Mike" walked directly towards me and began talking, "Hi, my name is Mike and this is my first time coming here. I like it and I think I will come every year."

     Yes, "Mike" is one of God's special people, as I have heard it said.

     I looked at his face. His face had a look of complete peace. I had been noticing that the women in my family do not get the typical crow's feet wrinkles. We all seem to remain relatively wrinkle free with the exception of a single deep furrow between our brows. I am fascinated that he appears to be close to my age and does not have any signs of wrinkling or stress.

     He soon continues to move through other people, introducing himself and then begins to share more about himself. "I am disabled so I can't drive. I have autism and I am retarded, so I just ride a bike everywhere I want to go."

      I like Mike, but I am growing ever more curious.  Mike has walked independently through a large group of people, introducing himself appropriately.  He does not leave abruptly during a conversation, he also does not continue to conversation longer than it is welcome. Mike is light years ahead of a lot of people.

    Mike is not staying close to the person he came with. He seems completely comfortable with no signs of anxiety.

    Mike's self stated autism link is making me even more curious. When I had clients with autism, many had signs of anxiety or stress in their faces. Most had almost a hardened stone like appearance. I had never seen anyone ever whose face was as relaxed looking as Mike.

    I listened as Mike is able to relay sports scores, and relate those numbers. He is able to give great detail, but not so excessive.

    To be sure, Mike is a diamond in my mind. He is living proof that we still have so much to learn about the brain and about people.  He is functioning well, and although clearly there is a bit of a glitch, it is difficult to pinpoint. 

     I would guess that Mike has had a very supportive family life. I would also guess that Mike has been fortunate to receive the services and assistance that he has needed.

     I have worked with adults with Developmental Disabilities of all types. I grind my teeth a little when people say that Down's Syndrome kids are always happy. People with developmental disabilities are people. They have ups and downs. Adults with Down's Syndrome can have some pretty frightening tempers.  They are people.  When I began working in that field, I had my own struggles.

   Alcoholic beverages, cigars and sex were topics that came up from time to time.  Sometimes the family members would have concerns or adamant demands; sometimes it was staff members.

   My mind could wrestle with these topics forever. Yes, this person is developmentally given an approximate comparison of a six year old child, however, they are adults. They have the same rights as myself.

    We had a client that liked the occasional cigar. The delight on his face while sitting in a swing smoking a cigar was amazing. Why would we allow a 62 year old man in our care to smoke? I made a note of it in his chart simply because it brought him so much joy and he was not always able to express himself verbally.  I did not have the right to deny him. 

    We had a client who would go to a local bar on his birthday and have a beer. The gasps... Yes, he was over 21 and his father would drive him to the bar. Again, it was not my right to deny.

    Sex and birth control were very volitile subjects. One particular mother called often. I could understand her concern. I was also concerned. This mother begged me to take her daughter to the clinic and get her "the shot" and tell her daughter it was a normal vaccination.

    Sorry, I cannot do that.  I did repeatedly educate her daughter about safe sex and personal dignity.

    As I look at my children now, I believe that job changed who I was going to become as a mother.

    I am very aware that my entire job is to teach them to become responsible adults. I am aware that although I am to protect them, I cannot protect them too much.  I have to give them the power and information to make the best decisions they can for themselves.

    I have to continually educate these children. I also like to use the "Mike's" of this world as an example.

    In my experience, people like "Mike" are told, "You will never be able to....." a lot. Well meaning people often squash dreams or give hard boundaries without allowing the "Mikes" of the world to put their toes into the water.

    As for "Mike", someday I would like to talk to him more. He has a lot to offer the rest of us. Mike is amazing to me. He is able to live in a Semi Independent Living situation, ride his bike around town and engage in appropriate conversations, even in a new setting.  I don't know who writes his care plan, but he must be an absolute joy to work with.

    This world is so crowded and busy. I really do like the opportunity to see someone as an individual... With all of the flippant comments about "men" and "women" and "those people", I get weary. I like seeing the world in a one on one kind of way and Mike reminded me of a time when I was able to do that every single day.