There is something to be said about the bond of similarity. I was always fiercely independent. I got straight to the point whether I was speaking to a man or a woman. It never really mattered to me as long as my point was understood.
And this is my point. This week I am discovering that having a gender preference can really make all of the difference in the world. One of my daughters is much more sensitive to this than I could ever imagine being. I did not realize how much until yesterday. I usually think things through, especially when it comes to my children, but I missed a BIG one yesterday.
My daughter is in a pretty sensitive place right now. She's not really a teenager, but she is not really a child either. Through no fault of her own, she was placed in a very uncomfortable situation where she needed to explain something sensitive. It was necessary that she speak up and my husband and I agreed that this time he would go. Somehow I totally missed the importance that both of the people she would be speaking to were men. I knew they would be, it was not really a surprise, but I am absolutely angry with myself for not seeing that the situation would be worse for her with two men. I knew instantly when I saw her face and body language after the meeting. I could see utter humiliation in my child.
I hope I never forget the look on her face. I hope I am reminded of her need for female support in the future. Even in the afternoon her mood was still a little darkened. And I realized that she was not the only one who may need the same gender support more than I realize.
This has been very traumatic to my entire family. I have never seen my husband so upset. If I had to describe his face, it would be filled with frustration, anger, helplessness and devastation at the same instant. I realized that he needs to be able to speak to men who have daughters. Yesterday showed him very clearly that being a father of sons has differences. I am grateful that we do know a few very wonderful men that he will be able to go to for advice about being the father of daughters.
Unfortunately, I am all too aware that life has many twists and turns. Some of these are excruciatingly painful. I am human, and I am enraged at the situation, but I can also see that my children are surrounded by love and support. Right now, they are wounded and hurt, but in a few months, like a healed broken bone, they will be stronger. In the meantime, I will do what I have always tried to do. I will keep a close eye on my children. I will talk to them. I will let them talk to me. I must continue to comfort my girls and to reassure them that I am always supporting them. I will help to guide them when the decisions are uncomfortable, and I will be cheering for them when they overcome obstacles, both seen and unseen. I just hope we have a little breathing space before the next large obstacle arrives.
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