Future

    When I was a kid, my father would tell me over and over the gap between the educated and the not was growing. He would tell me that if I did not have a degree in engineering or medicine, that I would spend my entire life pumping gas.  Okay... so the man did not exactly have a crystal ball. I cannot remember the last time I saw a gas station attendant that actually pumped the gas for me.  I did not get a degree in either engineering or medicine. In fact, I am an engineering drop out.  (Gasp!)  I tried it, could not imagine spending my entire life as an engineer and in my 20 year old wisdom, changed my major to nursing.
    So, now I see why he had those conversations with me. I have worked and been fairly well compensated considering, but now that I am older, and have my own children, I am developing a fairly large dose of my own paranoia.
    For instance, I am fortunate enough to have friends who travel around the world. It is disturbing to hear that teens in Iran have better, smarter cell phones than we do in the United States. It is absolutely terrifying to see the use of technology in Korean schools. The elementary students there are not only fluent in Korean and English, but often are little genius' with computers. They are using technology in the classrooms that I can only imagine as an adult.
    Soooo, the paranoia begins. I am now consumed by insurance, finance and education. I can see that US currency has lost a lot of power. I feel the overwhelming urge to lecture my children and tell them that in spite of bombs and shootings in the middle east, I feel that the real war now is education and technology. I feel like telling them if they don't work hard and faster and quit worrying about "play time" that this land mass will be owned by someone smarter and stronger in the future.
    Ahhh...and then I take a breath. I encourage educational opportunities at every turn. I try to help my children figure out how to research and design their next project using a computer.  I am already doing everything I can to impress them with my own paranoia. There is no need to burden them with visions from my teenage nightmares of a gray jumpsuit with a stitched name patch.
    As I write this I am also assimilating a list of possible activities for summer vacation. I am no longer using graph paper to plan every moment of my day like I did in college, but I do like to have an outline. Why? There are far too many pointless distractions along the way that can become habits. Video games, TV, and other past times are okay in small doses, but we are all bombarded with the message that we are truly missing out if we do not catch the latest episode of "program Z".  What is it that we are missing?  In twenty years, will it matter if character a asked character b to get married? OK, so say it is that important...can my children build anything from that information? Could we have spent the time better?
    So, I am not a complete "Tiger Mom"... We do watch movies or play laser tag occasionally. I am aware that sometimes, they just need to blow off steam, but I keep the "outline" as it keeps  us from doing these things every day. Watching TV every day is not going to help them become the fittest and the best... They are not expected to win a Nobel Peace Prize, but I do not want them to wait for the opportunities. Hopefully, my children will have the skills to seek their own paths.
    More importantly, I keep the outline to remind them that we have choices. We can do something at the beginning of the summer that will teach us how to do something even more amazing toward the end of summer. I'm trying to show them how to reach out and grasp their own self confidence and self pride. We celebrate our achievements and we even try to figure out what we could do differently from our failures. I cannot help but think this is much more important than watching fictitious characters live out a "plot".
    Someone once said to me, "I don't know why you do all of this and worry about their college education. They are girls and will probably just get married anyway."   First of all, I do not know what the future will be for my children. If they chose to get married and become a stay at home mom, I want it to be because it was THEIR choice, not because they did not have any other alternatives.  And of course, quietly, to myself I thought, "Thank God you are not the father of daughters."
    My life was centered around working for years.  This last year, I have been learning a new path. I have had a job that has not dictated my every moment. I have been with my children more and we have been learning together to be more domestic. We are learning new recipes and learning to fix toilets. We are learning together. I do not know which has been more important, learning or together, but I know I value both I am able to laugh at the mistakes.  I remember one year my mom quit her job and decided to be a stay at home mom. I remember it more as a cry for help. My mom made some sort of horrendous boiled lamb dish, added wheat germ to my sandwiches and checked me out of school to go shopping.I never really knew what to expect next. It was pretty funny. She made a taffy recipe, cut the candy into squares and placed them in a jar... The next day, the entire jar was a big sticky mess. As for the boiled lamb, even the dog would not eat it.  The day that she made liver and onions, the dog actually hid from her.  My mom went back to work full time after one year.  I think maybe going straight to full time mom was a bit much for her.
     I cherish this time.  I may not get a cash bonus, but I get a lot more hugs and kisses. I may not get a certificate or diploma to display on my wall, but I have photos of very important celebrations and joys. I may not get a trophy or an award, but I get to see the excitement in their eyes and I get to hear their stories.
 I'm sure in my own ways, I am giving my children nightmares about wearing the gray jumpsuit. I cannot help it. It appears to be natural to worry about your children's future and to react to that worry in some way, but I hope my children look back on this as the best time of their lives.  I'm pretty sure I will.