Most of us Have Survived our Children

   I just did the most detestable thing. It is even one of my pet peeves...

   I gave advice.  I gave advice to a younger mom.

   Okay, so I was subtle, but there it was...

   She has two children. They are still so little... One is not even a year old yet.

   Ahhhh... how I remember those days.

   Those are the days that make me cringe.

   I was once and independent woman. I was once someone who could solve major problems for a large company... and then I found myself at the grocery store with a cart full of diapers and groceries, a two month old, a two year old and a problem.

    I had to go to the bathroom.

    Urgently.

    There were three carts in every line. I was not to get any relief soon. I could not bear to put my infant nor my toddler on a public bathroom floor, and could not figure out how to unbutton my pants while carrying two children...

     So I did the only thing that could be done.

     I burst into tears, left my groceries and drove home immediately.

     I had been rendered completely helpless by these children. Going to the restroom had just become unbelievably complicated.

     So here I was, outside, confessing my helplessness...and I spotted another future horror for this young mom. Her baby was in the stroller, but it was clear that his stroller days were numbered.

     I told her, "There will come a time very soon, where the stroller will just make him cry, he will want to walk with you... and there will come a time when they will be walking in opposite directions and make you lose your mind...."  I saw the realization wash over her face as I continued, "but it will be brief. They will learn quickly to stay together. You will be okay. Just remind yourself..."

      I had done it. I detest advice and yet I had just done it...

     I see how it happens now. I remember the fear. I remember the frustration. I remember... and I thought I could plant a tiny seed.. I thought I could plant a little voice in her head to say, "this will not last forever"....

     I guess, truthfully, I don't even remember if someone ever told me that. I do remember thinking often that I would surely not survive. The children would surely not survive. I could not keep them safe. I could not even keep them together....

     Someone probably told me.

     I probably either didn't listen, or couldn't retain the information. I was so absorbed by ensuring there were diapers, clothes, food, and everything else needed every day in addition to working full time.

    Two is so very different than one. I was overwhelmed a lot when they were little.

    I do remember one tidbit from my neighbor. She had four children and had come over to rescue me one day. I had tears streaming down my face. "I have tried to leave the house, but someone is constantly pooping or needing to eat, or throwing up..."

     I was exasperated. I had accomplished nothing that morning.

     She told me, "It's okay, go run your errand. I will be here. It gets better. The second one is the hardest to adjust to, if you are going to have two children, you might as well have ten."

     I obviously did not believe her. I have two children. That is it.

     I had zero confidence in my abilities after the second child.

     I was also pretty sure that my IQ was dropping from poop fumes.

     I love my children dearly...but I will try to remember not to give advice. I will try to smile and try to remind them that it will all be okay. They will have their own trials. Their children will be different.

     As for my neighbor, I will say a little prayer to make up for giving her advice. She will survive. We all have... I think.. Well, most of us have...