I may have mentioned before that when I was a child, I was fairly certain that I was slow. I actually believed that you could learn everything and know everything. I thought you could simply read everything in print and know it all....If you are reading this and still believe this, maybe you should close this window...
When I was twelve, I read the entire Grays Anatomy... (It was a very large, comprehensive book about the human body before it was a TV show.) I was sure I would be a doctor. When I was fourteen, I discovered that doctors did not know everything about their specialty. Nobody noticed I had spina bifoda until I lost the ability to walk. It did not help that I was largely intimidated by science classes because I was still sure I was a little slow.
Yes, one of my little secrets is that I took basic Physical Science and Biology in High School because I was sure I was not smart enough for Chemistry or Physics. I ended up taking both of these classes in college as they were required for my major.
I was absolutely terrified. I had books, study guides, notes, and still I woke up at night sure I would never pass. About halfway through the class, I realized that not only was I starting to understand it, but that I was ahead of the class. My professors would commend me on my questions and insight.
AHA! Maybe I was not so slow! Maybe I could do this! I finally stopped feeling like I was just going through the motions. I was at last a bumblebee!
I had heard a story when I was a child that explained the principles of flight. Bumblebees cannot fly. Gravity, mass, wingspan and the general shape do not allow for lift off or flight. The bumblebee has everything in physics and mathematics against it, but it still flies. Nobody told the bumblebee.
I try to be careful what I say. I don't want to be the one who tells the bumblebee. I am very nearsighted and was told by my surgeons in England that I may never walk again. I was told I would certainly never play sports again. I would never have the strength. I was walking without assistance within four months. I did not join organized sports again, but I did not opt out of my high school PE credit. The doctor offered the "note" for the school, and I turned it down. I ran a mile every day, did fifty sit ups, fifty push ups and played sports in PE. I scored a goal against the school soccer captain. I played tennis. My point is that I pretended that I was the bumblebee. I was going to keep going as far as I could. I am grateful every day that I was old enough to make that choice.
I do not want to be the one to tell the bumblebee. My daughter's both have their own very significant medical issues. I pray they are never told they can't... Sometimes we don't realize that none of us really knows.
My favorite doctor this last year was one of my neurologists. She told me that she had done all that she and medicine could do for me. She said there was brain damage that was permanent and that any further progress I made would be because I have either relearned how to do things, or my brain would try to "re-wire" around the damaged areas. Thank God she did not say that was as good as it would get. She was honest, but not at all condemning. I appreciate that. She even released me to go back to work so that I could try. She was sure I would need a lot of support and retraining to do my job.
Even if she had condemned me to a life of contractures, balance issues, slow reading skills and recommended that I find something to do quietly at home, I think I would have flown off and wondered if bumblebees even have ears. I learned when I was much younger that nobody knows everything. It is for the best that nobody does. It gives us all hope against all odds.
Just in case you are feeling generous.....
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