Thanks to my friends.

When my children were babies.... I really had no idea what I was doing. Nobody in my family had a child with a chronic illness at that time. My first child was in and out of the hospital the first two or three years of her life, and not only was I learning how to be a mom, I was learning to battle the invisible demons that were making her sicker.
She was a pretty easy going baby though. She rarely cried and was generally pretty happy. Then baby number two arrived. She not only cried, but often had attacks of blood curdling screams. She was demanding, needy and LOUD. The day she was born, my mother moved to another state.
Mind you, it's not that my mom was helping me every day, or that I had grown dependent on her, but once each month, my mom had taken over the care of baby number one overnight so that I could get some rest. She would be the one up all night giving medications and watching her breathe. That's all I really needed.
Baby number two required the whole village. That saying has been around forever just for babies like her. If I had an entire village, we could have just kept passing her around and spread the insanity a little thinner.
I took my children to see my dad one time and of course the youngest was screaming the entire visit. He actually asked me why I would go out if she was screaming. I just stared at him. If I stayed at home when she was screaming, I would never ever leave the house again.
As they have gotten older, thank goodness everything has changed. There are still challenges, but they are different challenges. My youngest is still a very challenging child. She just has so much in her little mind, it must have been very annoying for her as a baby to not be able to get up and do anything about it.
Through all of this, I have asked my friends millions of questions. I have listened to every single bit of survival/parenting information and compiled it into my own little database of mom files. I am very fortunate to know so many amazing women. Some of my friends do not even have children, but still have some amazing insights.
Several of these wonderful women tell me I am a great mom, and I say to them, it is all because of you. Having a child is like receiving a package in the mail with the instructions to a completely different product. None of the manuals quite fit, and for the woman who sells books about toilet training in 72 hours...well, she is definitely not my friend! Having a child is intimidating and filled with failure. I would not accept a job where there was not only no job description, but that there is also so much judgement. However, here I am. I do not give up, but I have sat in my closet and cried.
I do not have any idea what success is at this job. There still are not any instructions or even a basic job description that can be relied upon from one day to the next. It is a frightening job, but it is also rewarding. I do this job with the help of every single one of my friends. I hear them cheering me on when I am sure I have no idea what to do next. I hear their words of wisdom when I am confused, and luckily, I can go back for more love, answers and support anytime.
Thank you all!