June Bugs and Gravy

I have lived here for twenty years and there are still several things that I have just never understood. The longer I live her the more I learn and the more the unanswered questions just make me laugh. "Southern cooking" seems to vary from diner to diner. Can we please have either ONE definition for "smothered" on a menu, or describe what it is smothered with? Why exactly is everything edible fried? Why do we call something a "chicken fried steak" but people look at you like you are stupid if you ask if there is a "chicken fried mozzarella stick"?
Most bugs and plants serve a purpose, to eat something else, or to be eaten by something else, or to anchor soil... You get the idea.. So can someone please tell me what is the purpose of the June bug? Is it seriously in existence just to get caught in my hair? Why do they fly into my car when it is parked? Is it a suicide attempt after failing to get caught in my hair?
Some things just make me really uncomfortable. The phrase "Southern Pride" terrifies me. Are we talking about lemon bars, porch swings and ice tea or KKK and militia? Can we find a balance between overly perfect super white teeth, and teeth optional events?
Indoor plumbing should be an assumption since it is the twenty-first century. Just a statement.
I came from a land where insects and snakes were not poisonous. Camping is life or death here. It's serious business. It really does matter what bit you. Although, maybe the recluse spider is the liposuction of the future. Maybe we will someday be desparate enough to allow a little necrosis to rid ourselves of unwanted fat. I'm just sayin'! We are already using botulinum (BOTOX) to do everything from relax facial lines, give relief of hyperhydrosis and even help with migraines. Maybe the hostilities in Oklahoma will someday be in a medical journal.
If you know any of these answers, please feel free to comment, I would love to know... I think... Maybe the answer is for June bugs and gravy to become a fuel source.