Pet Peeves and Guidelines

There are certain things that really do bug me. I had one book that was always within reach when my oldest was a baby. It had little developmental milestones listed so that I could know what was "normal", it had a list of all infant illnesses in the back and their symptoms. It was fairly handy and made me feel like I was a little more competent. The rest of the parenting guides were just largely frustrating for me.
There are a wealth of books at the store for every imaginable parenting issues. The problem is that most of these books make me irritable. These books are at best, written about a group of similar children. Children don't seem to be aware that they should follow some model in a book. Each child I have met is very unique. Children come to us with their own set of guidelines, but they are written in a language nobody seems to have deciphered yet.
Speaking with authority about a parenting issue actually is one of my pet peeves. Toilet training is probably my largest parenting pet peeve to date. There is an entire section of books on how to toilet train sucessfully. For me, this requires a new definition of sucess.
I thought that toilet training my child would mean independence. Independence for me meant that I would no longer have to stick the corners of baby wipes up my nose to deal with the most disgusting creations my child could offer. Independence for her in that she could use the toilet by herself. There are many problems with these versions of independence. The largest is that most of us are toilet training little humans who physically cannot reach their own behind. Their arms are not long enough. These giant headed little people cannot wipe by themselves!
How was this better? That was actually the key question. Everytime I had to follow my toddlers into the bathroom and assist with wiping and resnapping pants, I would remind myself of how ridiculous the whole thing is. Neither one of us gained independence from anything other than diapers. I still had to be there each time, only now it was more urgent. I was not only needed, but I was now enslaved to the unpredictable timing of a tiny persons' bladder and bowels.
I love my children, but I am grateful every day that their arms grew longer. The shining happy people who get to have an income from all of their parenting advice can just revel in their own confidence for all I care. I have not found one formula that works with my children. They are unique. They are not following someone elses guidelines. They are following their own and I still have not quite cracked the code. But I try to be compassionate and reasonable. It's difficult to do both every single day, but at least we are finally independent in the bathroom. I will call this a victory.