The person you are caring for cannot help themselves. There comes a point when they cannot even tell you what is wrong, even when there is clearly something wrong.
Today was a prime example of how you just don't get to make a schedule, you don't get advance notice of what type of day you will have.
When I arrived this morning, she seemed in reasonably good spirits, but she did not have her glasses on.
I asked her if she would like me to fetch her glasses for her. Her answer, "No, I don't feel like reading anything."
Perhaps that sounds like a normal answer to you.
What if I told you she has worn glasses every day, all day for the last 60+ years?
Okay, so I left to do what I needed to do for the day. She had two others with her, so she would be in good hands.
I came back in the afternoon to take her husband out for a few errands and this time she had her glasses on, but now she did not have her teeth.
I smiled at her. "How has your day been?"
She waves her hands in the air as if to say, "Look around for yourself."
Okay, so he and I go to the office supply store to pick up a few things.
When we get back, I started to cook dinner and she has grown noticeably quieter.
Dinner is ready, the table is set, the salad is ready and I invite her to come to the table for dinner.
She doesn't speak, she simply turns her head away and waves her arm at me as if to say, "Go away and leave me alone."
Sigh.....
I don't know if she is not feeling well, or is feeling slighted in some way.
She often gets upset and feels like people are not telling her what is going on. We tell her. We tell her repeatedly. We reassure her and still she gets upset.
She doesn't remember being told.
She can't help it.
We sit down to eat in the hopes that she will join us.
Instead, she continues to stare off in the other direction. I ask her if there is anything else I can get for her.
She purses her lips and waves her arm at me again.
After dinner, I took her husband for one more errand. He needed a few groceries. (Snort) When we get to the grocery store, he is buying ice cream. sigh...
We get back to their house and now she is sitting up in her chair, her face is relaxed and now she has her teeth in and her glasses on.
Sigh...
Whatever it was, it has passed.
We try to do things just this way. We do not over-react. Sometimes she gets headaches. Sometimes she is noticeably more confused. Sometimes she just cannot express what it is.
It is very common for some people to lost the ability to enjoy foods with the exception of sweets. She has made childlike "Ick" faces at several of her previous favorite foods. I am fairly certain that once I left, she made herself a bowl of ice cream.
Sigh.
We have been able to increase the nutritious meals that she will eat, but today just wasn't one of those days.
I have reassured her many times today. I have spoken to her about her home, her children and her own childhood today. She told me seven times where the front door was originally on their home.
She is lovely. She is pure. She cannot always communicate. She had several of those moments today.
I can imagine as I watch her face that there are moments of splendid peace...and I can also see that there is frustration beyond measure.
Things in her kitchen are no longer as familiar. Every day when I go over, things are in new places.
It's like a puzzle. Something in the kitchen is out of place. Maybe more than one thing. Whatever it is, it is really bothering her. I found plastic containers in the cabinet with the pans today. The plates were stacked in the wrong order. (Okay, I know that sounds insane, but she has always had her plates stacked in a very specific way in her cabinet.)
When I reach for something in her cabinet, I try to put three more things back in their familiar places, in the hopes that whatever it is, will not bother her as much when she sees things where they belong.
Sigh.
I am losing this battle.
Soon it will not matter. She is losing more and more of what was "familiar".
I am grateful every day that she remembers my name and face. I know this will eventually vanish. I am grateful for every giggle and smile. I am grateful for every story.
I never know what I will find in the morning when I go to her. Each day, we just do the very best we can to ensure that she is safe, comfortable, and has the choices she needs.
Each day I pray will last just a little longer.
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