Miracles

     I have seen a lot of miracles. I have seen so many miracles that honestly, sometimes it gives me more hope and sometimes it makes me wonder if I should stop being so greedy.
     I was born with a heart defect and with spina bifida. I can walk. I played sports competitively when I was younger. I am here. I can breathe.
    My oldest daughter has had several near misses also. She was born a horrible shade of gray/black. Her heartbeat was below 70 for more than an hour during labor, my water had broken two weeks before she was born, and she has scar tissue in her lungs. If that were not enough, she has severe asthma. I have rushed her to the hospital many times praying... Please...not today.
     My youngest had meningitis, encephalitis and whooping cough when she was six months old. Every day, a parade of doctors would come into her room, examine her, review her case and every day I would ask when my baby would wake up. There response was always the same, "We don't know IF she will wake up."
     Every day I prayed, "Please...not today..."
     Four months later, when she contracted Scarlett Fever and no combination of medications would keep her fever below 103, I said it again... "Please, .. not today."
     Three years ago, when I stopped breathing due to the until then unknown heart condition, I began the same prayer. "Please,... not today."
    I said that every day until the following April, when heart surgery corrected the defect.
    I have said the same things so many times again this year. Now we are saying it together every day.
    "Please, ... not today.."
     Sometimes that is all I can manage.
    I do not always have eloquent words to express myself.
    It doesn't matter.
    I have seen so many miracles. There is no guarantee that in any one of our situations, given the same circumstances, the same medicines, and the same doctors, that the outcome would be the same.
    We are now deciding which doctors to stay with. All are essentially saying the same things...so that will not really affect the decisions.
     I say we. I guess I mean "he".
     I will just keep saying, "Please...not today..."