Sweating....

    I ran out of brown rice.
    Not such a big deal. I will just open the home made beef vegetable soup and add quinoa. Perhaps I will toss in a sprig of thyme.
    This is how days are going.
    Last night, he was sweating all night again.
    It makes me nervous.
    Last time he was sweating all night, I woke him up and asked if he was okay. Two days later he had another heart attack.
    Right now, he is cleaning out the shed and sweeping up dust.
    It's a shed.
    Okay, I want to scream, "IT IS JUST A SHED! ~LEAVE IT!"
    But I don't. I can't stop him from doing things. He is not supposed to lift anything more than 10lbs. Ugh.
    He is supposed to stay active and take it easy.
    UGH.
    What kind of vague instructions are these?
    I must sit back. I must let him.
    I have no choice.
    Making him sit still except for "Brenda approved" activities will not help.
     I have been here before.
     With my youngest daughter, my OB wanted to put me on bed rest.
     With my oldest, I was on bed rest for 20 weeks of the pregnancy with odd orders.
      "Nothing you did caused the loss of the last baby. Keep your feet up at all times. You are only allowed to get up to use the bathroom or take a shower. Lay on your left side. Take this medicine......"
     Nothing I did made it happen, but there was a laundry list of things NOT to do.
      My youngest came along and I told him, "If you cannot guarantee me that is what made the difference, I cannot simply lie around for four months again."
      I had a toddler to care for.
      I know it is not exactly the same, but it feels familiar. It is the same feeling.
      I know.
      We do not know what will or will not help right now.
      We do not know what will or will not cause another heart attack.
      Well, we are pretty sure that him returning to work right now would be a very bad choice.
      He will be off of work until at least the New Year.
      On that one fact, our family and the doctors all agree.
     
     So now what?
     Let him sweep up the lose sand in the shed.... Let him take walks.  Make sure there are healthy choices for meals.  Make the best possible choices for fresh foods when shopping.
    Everything counts.
    Nothing counts.
    It will be what it will be.
    I am struggling with this today.
    He was sweating all night and it scared me.
    Now it is time to see about that soup.