Nobody Knows....♪♫♪

   Yes, I could definitely "Whoa is me" right now. I am pretty sure that nobody would fault me for it.
    The problem with that is that it becomes a nasty habit. It becomes pervasive so quickly and can surround your life in a blanket of doom.
    Yes, the tears have come in waves today. I went to my office for a bit of distraction. I did as much of my normal job as I could complete.
    The computer did not make me cry. It doesn't care. The computer just did what I asked. The copier also obliged. 
    Phone calls were different.
    People touching me was different.
    Everything is a bit raw.
    I have to make goals. I live to make goals. I always have a list. I always have a list for this week, this month and for the year. Sometimes I also have a "five year plan".
    Tomorrow my goal is to smile more and cry less.
     My goals will be simple for a while. They will be simple for as long as they need to be.
     I explained things to my daughter's homeroom teachers today. I told them that I honestly have not graded any papers or logged anything this week. The children have chosen to continue working, but I have not been able to oversee any of it.
     Both teachers were kind. Both offered to contact the rest of their teachers on our behalf and explain. Both reassured me that they would be understanding and try to contact me if it appeared anything was in the "red".
    We have two weeks to get it together. We have two weeks to figure out if anything crucial was missed or overlooked these last few days and get it turned in.
    
     He is doing well today. He is walking around to get exercise. He is trying to keep a sense of humor. He seems to have decided not to be angry.

     I am working on a better plan. I am writing things down again. I do not know what tomorrow will bring. None of us knows. Yes, we could all accidentally step in front of a bus tomorrow. The only difference is that we now see buses everywhere. 
    There are stronger medicines, which also seems to mean more serious side effects. There are ongoing chest pains. There are other issues that are related to the cause of the decline that seem to be laying in wait for their turn.
    The buses are everywhere right now.
     I am working on a way to not allow the buses to be so much of the picture. I need to remember the beautiful fall colors, the chatter about pie recipes and the many other things in life that are not scary.
     Life is like a beautiful complicated piece of art.
     An amazing piece of art should make you feel something. A truly magnificent piece will make you feel several different emotions, tell a story, or even move you to incorporate its message within your own life.
     Life is so much more.
     May God Himself help us to remember this.